Arbutus Coaching’s Blog

Success Tip - Coaches Know That It’s All About Your Mindset, So Think Your Way to Success

By arbutuscoaching | November 25, 2009

Does Your Mindset Need an Overhaul or Tuneup?

As someone who has worked with people for years, I find it fascinating how we all think; in terms of thoughts, one size definitely doesn’t fit all. I’ve seen people with tremendous talents who don’t reach anywhere near their potential, and others who, from my viewpoint at least, who have not as much talent, but manage to do very, very well indeed.

The determining factor? Their mindset, which is primarily about two things: the stories they tell themselves about theirselves and the people, environments and opportunities that they expose themselves to.

So what story do you tell yourself about yourself? It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as it’s working for you. The problem is that most of our stories were “handed down,” to us by the people who surrounded us when we were growing up. And here’s the rub, some of their stories about us were just plain wrong and influenced by whatever baggage they brought with them from their childhoods.

The question to ask is this: is it time for a new story? Reinventing yourself is yours to do. One of the more dramatic reinventions in our popular culture is Angelina Jolie, who went from wearing previous husband Billy Bob Thorton’s blood in a vial around her neck to now being a UN goodwill ambassador and mother of six kids. Is it time you did the same, more or less dramatically?

In addition to your internal story about yourself, your mindset is influenced by the environments and people you expose yourself to. If you want to think big, or bigger, it helps to surround yourself with people who are already there, or at the very least a few steps further up the path. As Dr. Phil says, put yourself in target rich environments and soak up what you can from that world. It will pay off in spades.

Take Action Challenge

Decide to improve and grow your mindset, like you would a plant, by feeding it well, putting it in an optimal environment and nurturing it with care. Monitor your thoughts and ensure that you are as kind to yourself as you insist on being treated by others. And lastly, do something to improve your mindset, by exposing yourself to situations, “peeps,” and educational opportunities that you wouldn’t normally expose yourself to. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your world will change.

Kathy Santini
Arbutus Coaching – Growing People and Possibilities
250 388-6108
Kathy@ArbutusCoaching.com
http://www.ArbutusCoaching.com

If you don’t subscribe to Arbutus Coaching’s newsletter, Growing People and Possibilities, you’re missing out on some valuable coaching tips which will make your life easier and you more effective. To subscribe, go to Arbutuscoaching.com\newsletter.php.

What do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Mary Oliver, poet

Topics: Success | No Comments »

Money Management Workshop for Victoria, B.C. Women Offered Nov. 18.

By arbutuscoaching | October 27, 2009

If you’re like many people I know, you spend way too much time thinking about money. Thoughts like, “Where did it all go this month, how am I going to afford this unexpected expense, how am I going to find the money to contribute to my RRSP,” etc. The truth is most of us have a complicated and less than optimal relationship with money.

Barbara Stanny, a daughter of one of the founders of H & R Block, has written a number of books to help women become more empowered financially, How to Overcome Under Earning, The Secrets of Six Figure Women and my favourite because of the title, Why Prince Charming Isn’t Coming. As an acknowledged leading authority in the field of women and money, she has developed a workshop that helps women look at their relationship with it and more importantly, empower themselves to improve it.

Are you an under earner? If you put others needs before your own, give away your services for less than their worth, or barter a lot because you’re afraid to deal with money, you just might be.

Whether you have a dysfunctional relationship with money, or a good one that you’d like to improve, consider enrolling in Stanny’s workshop that I’m offering for the ridiculously low cost of $20 on Nov. 18. Why am I offering it for such a low price? Because I passionately believe that mastering this relationship could change your life.

For more information on the workshop, visit http://arbutuscoaching.com/seminars.php And to enroll, contact me via the contact information listed below.

Topics: money | No Comments »

Survivors of Cancer’s Family and Friends, Seven Tips for Helping Loved Ones Diagnosed With Cancer

By arbutuscoaching | October 22, 2009

The Canadian Cancer Society’s 2009 report says that 40 per cent of women and 45 per cent of men will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. Staggering numbers, aren’t they?

Cancer patients’ friends and families often feel helpless and at a loss as to what to do when they learn of a loved one’s diagnosis. People mean well and they want to help, but often they are as thrown as the person receiving the cancer diagnosis when they learn that someone close to them has cancer. So with October being Breast Cancer awareness month, what better time to provide some tips for friends and loved ones who want to help those diagnosed with cancer but don’t know what to do?

Doing the following will decrease some of the stress of a cancer diagnosis:

v Ask the cancer patient what you can do to help. Different patients have different needs. Some will appreciate having meals delivered, others having childcare arranged.

v If your friend or loved one with cancer seems hesitant to ask, consider your schedule, your special talents and abilities and make them an offer they can’t refuse.

v Let the cancer patient set the agenda for your conversations. Some will want to vent and need you to listen, while others may want a respite from their reality and want to hear about your life.

v Offer to accompany your friend or relative to their doctor’s appointments. Many provincial medical associations encourage this because they realize that patients aren’t always in the best head space to ask what needs to be asked.

v Stay available; don’t disappear because of your discomfort with cancer. Many people reach out at the time of diagnosis and then disappear. When a friend or relative is diagnosed it’s our opportunity to become our best selves so that we can help them in their hour of need. By paying it forward, some day someone will help you when you need it most.

v Offer to be the point person for communicating your friend’s status and progress. People facing a life threatening illness need to put their precious resources into their cancer treatment, and often don’t have the energy to keep their network in the loop.

v Don’t be a Pollyanna about the patient’s situation and conversely, don’t repeat many people’s mistaken premise that people cause their illness. A cancer patient has enough to deal with without adding guilt into the mix.

Every person with cancer has unique needs and requirements for assistance. How much help is needed, and when, will vary from person to person. But the thing that is constant is the need for community, for people who can help the patient feel that they are more than their diagnosis and that they’ll get through this.

And if you’re a survivor, who is mulling over what you want your life to look like now that your treatment is over, my e-book will give you some strategies on how to do that from a coaching perspective.

Topics: Surviving Cancer | No Comments »

Money Management Workshop for Victoria B.C. Women a Great Success, if Participants’ Reactions Are Any Indicator

By arbutuscoaching | October 22, 2009

How’s that for tooting your own horn? Last night was my first offering of my workshop: Empower Yourself Financially, A Five Step Plan to A Richer Life. Thirteen women showed up to learn how to improve their money management and you could see the light bulbs popping, as they looked at their relationship with money.

Wondering if a money management workshop could benefit you? Do any of the following sound familiar? You worry a lot about money, you’re earning less than you’re worth, investing makes you nervous, you’re often late paying bills, money management remains a mystery, and you can’t seem to look after yourself financially.

If you resonate with any of these, don’t lose heart because many people do. Despite the value our society places on money, many of us have a complicated, unfulfilling relationship with money. In the workshop, you will learn: what may be keeping you from high earnings, the five simple steps to increase earnings, what foundational, childhood beliefs are at the root of your relationship with money and much, much more.

The next Empower Yourself Financially workshop, which is all about money management and your personal relationship with money will be held on Nov. 18 in Esquimalt. To register call 250 388-6108 or email Kathy@ArbutusCoaching.com Here’s to your financial independence.

Topics: money | No Comments »

Afghan 2009 Elections, Business Coach’s Advice for Afghanistan’s President On How To Handle His Current Situation

By arbutuscoaching | October 19, 2009

This just in…. as reporters used to say. CBC reported this a.m. that because of apparent voter fraud, there may be a runoff in the Afghan elections, because President Hamid Karzai was not able to obtain over 50 per cent of the votes from the election held in August. President Karzai is reported to be “not amused,” a term they often use to describe Queen Elizabeth’s feelings when things don’t go her way.

As many of you know, four years ago when I was working in a war zone in Kabul, Afghanistan as an editor I reported on the first parliamentary elections held in Afghanistan in 25 years. It was one of the highlights of my life. Since I’ve worked in Afghanistan, I find myself keenly interested in the country’s politics.

I’m not only writing solely about this news story because of my interest in Afghanistan, but because it illustrates a coaching principle that I often make with my life and business coaching clients. While we can’t control all of the events that happen in our life, what we can control is our response to them and this impacts the outcome. Or, to put it mathematically, e + r = o.

Using the Karzai case, the event is voter fraud, which some speculate may or may not be part or in whole his doing. How he responds will impact the outcome. For example, he may take a page out of a South American dictator’s book, scrap democracy and declare himself president for life. That response could have a number of outcomes, including sanctions from the U.N., withdrawal of NATO troops from Afghanistan and/or a return of the Taliban to power.

Another response might be keeping to democratic principles and going ahead with the runoff. The outcome to this response might be his loss of power and his rival becoming president, or his winning the runoff. Following the democratic process will keep world leaders and countries invested in Afghanistan’s future.

Food for thought: While you might not find yourself in the straits that President Karzai finds himself in, is there another situation in your life where you might want to rethink your automatic response, in the hopes of changing the outcome? As I tell my coaching clients, events happen, but our reaction determines the outcome. And while it might not look like it, we always have some discretionary room in whatever response we choose.

Over the next days and months, the world and I will be watching the situation in Afghanistan closely, to see what response President Karzai chooses. I wonder if he needs a life, business and results coach to remind him, if he’s forgotten, that the event plus his response equals the outcome, or to put it in Einstein speak, e + r = o.

Topics: Business Success | No Comments »

Cancer Survival and Attitude: The Power of Positive Thinking About Cancer, Have We Gone Too Far? One Author Says Yes

By arbutuscoaching | October 15, 2009

This morning, CBC Radio’s program “The Current,” featured author Barbara Ehrenreich’s latest book, Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America

In her book, Ehrenreich takes a trenchant look into America’s obsession with presenting a “positive” image at all times and at all costs. Spurred by her own reaction to a bout of breast cancer, Ehrenreich came face-to-face with the near obsessive culture of positivity, which led to her questioning not only what purpose it serves, but how it came to exist.

Ehrenreich’s experience and advice from others, that she had to be positive to beat cancer, is a common experience for many cancer patients. Ten years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer, my own surgeon, just before the surgery, told me that he would do a great job but that I had to work on my positive mental attitude. This scared me even more, and led me to believe that my healing and recovery from cancer was solely dependant on my attitude. Ehrenreich had a similar experience, with many people telling her that in order to heal she should have one kind of feeling or approach and it best be positive.

With the myth busting powers for which she is acclaimed, Ehrenreich exposes the downside of America’s penchant for positive thinking: On a personal level, it leads to self-blame and a morbid preoccupation with stamping out “negative” thoughts. On a national level, some argue that it’s brought America an era of irrational optimism resulting in disaster.

As a life, business and results coach, who has cancer survivors in her practice, I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking. My doctor’s advice wasn’t’ bad. But like all things taken to the extreme, when it doesn’t allow for the full range and spectrum of human emotions, it can be limiting. And there’s also the danger, which I see in my coaching practice, that adopting a positive attitude to the extreme can lead to people living in that Egyptian River called “Denial.” Which, after something serious like a cancer diagnosis, can be a great place to wade in temporarily, I did it myself. But only in the short term. The happiest, most successful people are those who both have a positive mental attitude but are also realistic about their lives.

Food for Thought Determine which side of the spectrum you lean towards, are you too optimistic and wading in that famous Egyptian River, or are you pessimistic to an extreme? After determining this, spend the rest of the week altering your thoughts in the new direction you want to move towards. Over time and with practice, your new attitude will be your fallback position for everything in your life.

Topics: Surviving Cancer, Success | No Comments »

Love Your Job like Tony Bennett Does

By arbutuscoaching | October 8, 2009

I had the incredible privilege of seeing Tony Bennett last night. It truly was one of the highlights of my life, as Tony Bennett is my favourite singer. It’s something the chairman of the board (Frank Sinatra) and I have in common, as Frank believed Tony was the best singer in the world. High praise from someone like Frank, a fellow Italian, whose last name also ends in a vowel.

The span of Tony’s career is mind boggling, as he demonstrated by the names he dropped throughout the evening. Discovered by Bob Hope when he was playing with Pearl Bailey, Bob suggested that his real name, Anthony Dominick Benedetto might be too long on the marquise and consequently renamed him Tony Bennett. He counted Frank Sinatra as his best friend and told numerous stories about Count Basie, the famed American jazz pianist, organist, bandleader, and composer, widely regarded as one of the most important jazz bandleaders of his time,

What’s more amazing than the lives he’s crossed is the enthusiasm that he still has at 83 about his vocation. In Tony’s case, his vocation is a vacation. It’s not a golden handcuff like it is for many people.

A recent Canadian study of 1,100 employees, polled across North America, found that one-third loathes their jobs. That’s loathe, as in detest, hate and otherwise despise. I used to be one of those people. Now, my work seems like play, because I’m so passionate about it. Hours go by at the speed of sound, not the speed of the ice age, as is the case for many others.

If you find yourself in a job that doesn’t leave you excited about getting up every morning, it’s probably because the job requires skills that aren’t your strengths. Because they aren’t where you excel, you probably don’t enjoy using them.To find out where you do shine, you might want to purchase the book Strengths Finder 2.0, by Tom Rath. When you purchase it, you also get access to an online assessment, which identifies your top five strengths.

Why is this important? Because studies indicate that people who have the opportunity to focus on their strengths every day are six times as likely to be engaged in their jobs and more than three times as likely to report having an excellent quality of life in general. If you’re like most people and spend 40 hours a week at a job, wouldn’t it be preferable to be engaged at what you do, rather than just putting in time? Wouldn’t it be better to be Tony, than like a prisoner, just doing time?

Topics: work | No Comments »

Increase Your Chances of Success By Asking for What You Want

By arbutuscoaching | October 7, 2009

Because of our fear of rejection, most of us are afraid to ask for what we want. We’re so paralyzed by the fear of rejection and disapproval that we’re afraid to ask for anything out of the ordinary. We just accept what is offered to us and hope for the best.

Successful people, however, learn how to get over their fear of rejection, by calmly and confidently asking for what they believe to be within reason. The truth is you’ll be astonished at how many yeses you’ll get just by asking for what you want.

The following story illustrates that point. One of my client’s dreams was to own waterfront property, but he felt it was out of his price range. He had followed our local real estate market for a couple of years and had noticed two properties that had been listed repeatedly without success. I suggested that he call the homeowners of the two houses he was interested in and ask to meet with them. He garnered up his courage, met with them, told them why he thought their homes were so special and then asked if they were still interested in selling.Both homeowners said yes.

Encouraged, he told them his budget and asked them if they would consider selling for that price. Homeowner number one was terribly insulted while homeowner number two was less than keen. My client left his phone numbers with both, knowing that one would not bite and that the second seemed unlikely too.

While he was right in both these cases, he learned that using his asking muscle wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be and that the results weren’t catastrophic. Long story short, he tried it three more times and is now the proud owner of a house on the water.

The lesson in all this? Learning to ask and overcoming our fear of rejection is a muscle that successful people master if they want to increase their chances of success. Good sales people know this; they have a formula for how many prospects have to say no before getting a yes.What have you been unwilling to ask for because of your fear of rejection?

To increase this muscle, start with something small, that you’re not invested in getting. And if the results aren’t what you want, create a story about why the person said no that increases the chances that you’ll use this muscle again, on bigger and better things.

By doing so, you too may find yourself, against all odds, living on waterfront property.

Topics: Success | No Comments »

As Oprah says, it’s important to look at where you spend your money: do so at my money workshop for Victoria, B.C. women

By arbutuscoaching | October 6, 2009

Solange Knowles, singer Beyonce Knowles sister, was on Oprah last week showing the world her new haircut. I love Oprah’s shows, but really, is this newsworthy for the Queen of Talk? Solange told Oprah that she spent $40-$50,000 annually on putting weaves in her hair and got tired of the time and money involved.

Anyhoo, (misspelling intended) what interested me was something that Gloria Steinem of Ms. Magazine fame said years ago. Gloria suggested that to get a glimpse into what’s important to you, and what you value, look in your cheque book. I guess today’s equivalent would be your visa statement.

My Empowering Women Financially workshop for Victoria, B.C. women is sold out for October, but I’m taking registrations for the November workshop, being held in Esquimalt on Nov. 18.

The workshop was created by Barbara Stanny, who’s written a number of books about money, including, why Prince Charming isn’t Coming, Overcoming under earning and The Secrets of Six Figure Women.

Our relationship with money is one of the more complicated relationships that we have. To delve deeper into yours, and to create a more harmonious one with it, consider attending my workshop. Contact information is listed below this post.

Topics: money | No Comments »

Another Worthy Fundraiser for Cancer plus the Vancouver Sun’s series on Breast Cancer

By arbutuscoaching | October 5, 2009

Did you participate in yesterday’s Run for the Cure? I walked it with my friend Penny and once again was overwhelmed at the sea of pink out to raise money for breast cancer research.

Some of the outfits were hilarious, the group of women with pink bras over their T-shirts, the pink hair, and pink cowboy hats. Not to be outdone, dogs got in the act as well; some were sprayed pink while others wore pink scarves. It was great.

Another worthwhile fundraiser this month is being held at Curves in Saanich on Oct. 22 from 6-9 p.m. Proceeds will go to the Victoria Hospital Foundation. The event includes speakers on women’s health, hair and makeup tips, and a fashion show. There’s also a silent auction, I’ve donated a two copies of my e-book for cancer survivors, as well as one month’s free coaching.

My e-book has been listed on Willow’s ‘The Best Ever List’ which is a compilation of information and support resources that young women found most helpful during the days and months following their diagnosis. For more information on the event, or to contribute something to the silent auction for this worthy fundraiser, contact Diane at Curves.

Oh and if you haven’t caught it already, don’t forget the Vancouver Sun’s weeklong series on breast cancer, which started Saturday.

Topics: Surviving Cancer | No Comments »

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Success Tip - Coaches Know That It’s All About Your Mindset, So Think Your Way to Success

Money Management Workshop for Victoria, B.C. Women Offered Nov. 18.

Survivors of Cancer’s Family and Friends, Seven Tips for Helping Loved Ones Diagnosed With Cancer

Money Management Workshop for Victoria B.C. Women a Great Success, if Participants’ Reactions Are Any Indicator

Afghan 2009 Elections, Business Coach’s Advice for Afghanistan’s President On How To Handle His Current Situation

Cancer Survival and Attitude: The Power of Positive Thinking About Cancer, Have We Gone Too Far? One Author Says Yes

Love Your Job like Tony Bennett Does

Increase Your Chances of Success By Asking for What You Want

As Oprah says, it’s important to look at where you spend your money: do so at my money workshop for Victoria, B.C. women

Another Worthy Fundraiser for Cancer plus the Vancouver Sun’s series on Breast Cancer

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